Friday, May 06, 2005
Lifeless...I'm wondering if i'm over busy with work. Really, it seems that i've done little else besides working and i feel like i've no life anymore.
But then again, there's really not much else for me to do besides working, since most of my friends seem to be either busy with other commitments or too involved in other parts of their social circle where i'm not included in. No offence to anyone. I guess this is a busy period for everyone, especially those having exams.
Not that i'm complaining or blaming anyone. Coz i myself doesn't really take much initiative in asking ppl out. But then, there're only those few that i really wanna go out with anyway. Those that i can really relax and enjoy with.
I know alot of ppl, and have many friends, but they're mostly superficial, really. This is probably the case for most ppl. How many ppl can say they have alot of true friends, those u can open your heart to, those who will be with you through thick and thin, through the passing of time.
For me, at each stage of my life, yeah i do have alot of friends, but those friendships, i know, from the beginning, will not survive the test of time. As i expected, most if not all, have already faded away, becoming memories, part of my past.
Most are enjoyable and happy memories. Though i often think back of them with a tinge of regret, regret that they couldn't last. It isn't anybody's fault. It's the same saying as, if there's no chemistry between you and me, there's no chemistry, period.
I often envy certain characters in stories and comic books, those scenarios where two persons know each other from young, growing up together, knowing everything about each other, living their lives together. It's similar to a child dreaming of a fairy tale ending.
Sometimes i would think, is there something wrong with me? Why can't i find someone who is willing to stay with me through everything? Am i not putting enough effort to maintaining a relationship? But that's just nonsensical thinking on my part. Just like wishing for an elder brother (blood related) when i'm the eldest and only child. (Which i did, countless times, wishful thinking. :x)
That's probably why i'm the type of person who lives for the moment. To enjoy things while they last. And when they end, to look forward and move on, never to look back and regret. To be happy.
I suppose many ppl who are still visiting my blog would be rather confused by my thoughts. But that's okay. Just know that i will be happy while i can, and cherish whatever i have until they're gone. And to everyone out there, cherish me while i'm still here okay? ;x
posted @ 10:35 PM